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Bridezilla

We went to The National Wedding Show in London this weekend, and all i can say is if we hadnt got the tickets free id have been pretty pissed off. 

Its fine if you havent booked anything, but it was all just services, so photographers, venues, djs, that kind of thing. 

I was in the mood to spend decent money but there was just nothing. There were maybe 2/3 stands that did hair accessories, but nothing under £100! Madness

We did have a nice day though, chatted a lot about wedding stuff on the train and M got more of a picture of how he wants to look on the day. We've mostly decided against butonaires now, but potentially will have some for grandfathers. 

M likes the ideal of a light blue tie & pocket square, and i can lie im going to need to be convinced. I just find it so.....samey. He would wear a blue tie to work, it doesnt feel special. Im just not a fan of light blue or light pink generally really, it feels a bit juvenile. 

Still if it makes him happy!

I also discovered if you ask for a bridal top that isnt lace you will get looked at like you stabbed someone. Im having such a struggle to find a top for my dress that isnt lacey. There are some on Etsy, but for £250+ and when ill be wearing it for about an hour, theres no way im spending that much on it.  It might be something i add to the ever growing DIY list. 

Bridezilla

I won something!! 

I never win anything so i'm super excited about this!! 

Image may contain: shoes

Aren't they gorgeous!! I'm super excited and think they'll go beautifully. 

I know i had the Vivienne Westwood shoes, but when they arrived they were a bit tooooooo bright, and i feel like it detracted from the dress. They're definitely going to be worn for the Hen Do though, and god knows how many occasions before that! 

I am an absolute shoe fiend, i adore a good pair of heels and used to have a lovely collection of unusual styles, but im gradually selling them now to make more space. 

I'm finally starting to feel like im getting a faint vibe of my look for the day 

Bridezilla

The Look

So i've been starting to think about how to accessorise my dress, and i'm struggling to get my head round it all. 

My dress is gorgeous, and such a statement in its own right. Personally i think id be happy (although maybe a tad chilly!) wearing just my dress, but my mum thinks for the ceremony i should have something to cover my chest and shoulders (its not a church wedding - but i think she just want to be "proper") 

I always wanted to have a veil/cape that was a little different, but knew it'd all depend on what dress i had. Now the dress is so....big, i worry a statement veil/cape will be a bit much. 

Reminder of my dress: 

Here's a little mood board of ideas - the patterns and materials are just ideas, but i wont have any lace: 

I'm thinking it'd need to be one of the following combinations:
- Unique top & traditional veil
- Capelette  & no veil 
- Cape from back/shoulders & no veil & no top
- Cape that is also a top & no veil
- Shoulder jewellery & veil  
- No top & statement veil

As you can see, i haven't the foggiest. I just know i'd like it to be personal, and i will probably end up making it myself. 

I feel like i like the idea of a veil, i like the way it looks in photos, but also the cape is just a bit different, but it'll be spring and i just don't know if id feel more awkward in it. 

Whatever i end up picking, it will only be on for max 2 hours so it doesn't make sense to spend a bomb on it. 

Any advice is hugely appreciated! 

 

Bridezilla

I really like the shoulder jewellery idea, I think it's really unique and completely impractical in a way that you can only get away with for a wedding! I've only seen it on two brides (an old work colleague and a beautician I used to go to) and both of them looked stunning with it. I do love capes as well but for me I think they have more of a winter wedding vibe. Personally I love veils and think they're so uniquely bridal but if they're not you, they're not you! Are there any items you can order which can be returned so you could have a little try-on session at home?

Bridezilla

I love a cape, but do agree they are a little more wintery, I like the top which is on the top line of your mood board, 2nd from the right. I have never seen the shoulder jewellery in real life but worry it might move about abit. A friend of mine had a strapless dress like your with a top she wore during the day and then took off for the evening which was lovely, as it gave 2 completely different looks. 

I agree with your mum being more covered up during the ceremony regardless of whether it is in a church or not does seem more proper- Maybe I am getting old!

Bridezilla

Thanks Ashley72 & MrsS85, i really appreciate the input! I agree, i think whenever i see capes they're gorgeous but it does feel wintery. 

I think i'm leaning more towards the top & veil, and i think ill make the top the something that's a little different. Its hard to see, but the image in the top left corner (first image really) has the wedding date stitched into the cap sleeve which i think is really cute. 

I might buy a cheap top and veil just to play around with, and i can then fashion the veil into a cape to see how it feels too. 

I think ill have a look around and see if there's anywhere i can buy the shoulder jewellery that takes returns, i'm sure there must be somewhere! failing that ill lash a few necklaces together haha. I think it'd be a lovely look for the evening, after taking the top off, but probably highly impractical to dance in.

It's quite fun thinking of playing all this dress up to decide

Bridezilla

I love the shoes!

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

Drama Llama

So we've been having MORE issues with the venue/caterers in the last 10 days. I hadn't gone into details before because tbh i had hoped it was done with but it appears not. 

I found and email from the venue manager from when we booked, confirming what we had initially been told re prices for the meal. I sent this on to the new manager and asked if she knew if this was still correct, as we had had an issue with the caterers being on the same page. 

She emailed me back and stated explicitly that we could have the BBQ as the wedding breakfast for £15pp plus sides and drinks for a minimum of 100 people. Perfect, exactly what we had been told and hoped before the caterers got all odd on us. 

"You are more than welcome to have the BBQ for your wedding breakfast if you wish however it just needs to meet the minimum numbers (100) that in mind your total so far will be £1500. The minimum spend for your day on food and drink is £5500 so you need to make up the rest of it – you could do as Jenny has stated below with your drinks package, salads, dessert towers and doughnut walls!"

I asked if she could relay this to the caterers as they were disagreeing saying this couldnt happen, and then she comes back to me saying they have a minimum cost of £46pp for the wedding breakfast.... literally days after advising the total opposite. 

"I have spoken to the kitchen and they have said the minimum spend on your wedding breakfast will be £46 per head. We can do a BBQ grill for you in the evening and it will be £15 - minimum spend on wedding day food is £46. Do you still want to have it in the day or in the evening"

I tried to ask he what had changed and why did she tell us otherwise and all i got back was "my hands are tied" and she never said why she told me the wrong information.... 

Sent another email saying we understand, we will pay the £46 but can someone explain where the communication went wrong, as we have other things we discussed that we now want clarification on, and we stressed how we just wanted to make sure we were all of the same and correct understanding going forward, and we got the shittiest email back. 

We sent: 

" I understand that's what has now been advised, but are you able to explain why we were told upon booking, and in both emails (one from previously, soon after booking and one from yourself last week) that we could have the BBQ as a wedding breakfast for £15 a head for a minimum of £1500? 

 I understand since checking with the caterer's this has now been changed, but as you can imagine this is a huge increase from what we were told on booking, and from what you confirmed last week. Over three times the price per head is a huge increase and means we are having to make considerable changes to our plans. 
 
Also as mentioned when we booked, the lady said she would put it as the relaxed menu because she couldn't figure out how to change it on the system, and she said it wouldn't matter. I then sent the email to confirm afterwards about having the BBQ as the breakfast and received the first email confirming this would be fine at the £15 per head minimum £1500. 
 

Bridezilla

Drama Llama Cont.

 

 We appreciate it will be more food if done as the breakfast, but that wasn't something we had requested and we chose Milling Barn due to the apparent flexibility with the menu but we are left feeling like we have been told anything to get us to book and now we have paid the money there is a reluctance to hold up to what was confirmed upon booking, and in the subsequent emails. 

 I'm sorry, as we really don't want to come across as awkward, but I hope you can understand we feel let down as we only had two hugely important catering points for us for the day. We confirmed multiple times that we could have the BBQ package as the breakfast - at the evening price - to stay within budget when we had our viewing and were told it was fine, and our idea for a few separate cakes instead of one large one was also confirmed as being absolutely fine. We were even told people had done this before, and now we are finding out that neither of these are possible. 
 
Unfortunately, the misleading information that we received prior to booking appears to have been overlooked in the responses we've had so far. This has led to us feeling rather disappointed and apprehensive that further ideas that we pitched, and had confirmed prior to booking, may also encounter the same issues.
 
We sincerely hope a resolution can be found to the issues raised since we were overjoyed to have found a venue that was so "us" and want to feel confident going through the planning process with you. "
 
And we got back:

" I cannot go against the head chef or operations managers prices. The minimum spend for your wedding breakfast is £46 per head it also states this on your terms and conditions. You can have the BBQ Grill for your main wedding breakfast no problem at £46 per head or evening food at £15 per head. I am unable to change this.

 We are able to be flexible with the menus just not the prices. Your prices are fixed so wont increase however your minimum spend is £46 per head for your wedding breakfast. This is the same for everyone I cannot change this the prices are set." 

I'm disappointed because honestly all i wanted was the manager to say "sorry, it was my mistake. I thought the information i had given was right but now realise this isn't the case" or something, because it really feels like they just tell you whatever you want and then deal with the let down later on. I hate when people aren't responsible for their actions, especially when it causes such upset. 

I've handed it all over to M now, because it was making me so stressed out and anxious it made me ill. If i were in a better place generally id probably handle it better, but it was the straw the broke the camels back. He's sent an email explaining what we were hoping for (an apology) and to see how we can move forward, trusting in their ability to take on our event. 

I want to find another venue, maybe a deal for off season 2019, and move on from this as i think they will just make things awkward for us now, but he's certain he can smooth things over enough. I just dont want them to not extend us any favours because of this, where they had seemed quite open to being flexible with decorations and stuff before. 

Bridezilla

I just wrote you a long reply then lost it, as I've seen your posts on Bridechilla fb too - but it boiled down to the fact their business practices are dodgy as hell, and I can totally see why you want to move venues. If this person can't make decisions then your fiancé needs to be going above her head to the people who can. She literally has zero accountability and isn't even apologizing for basically tripling the price of your wedding breakfast  -serious alarm bells would be ringing for me. 

Sorry you're going through this.

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

I just wrote you a long reply then lost it, as I've seen your posts on Bridechilla fb too - but it boiled down to the fact their business practices are dodgy as hell, and I can totally see why you want to move venues. If this person can't make decisions then your fiancé needs to be going above her head to the people who can. She literally has zero accountability and isn't even apologizing for basically tripling the price of your wedding breakfast  -serious alarm bells would be ringing for me. 

Sorry you're going through this.

Its so hard, because he realllly wants us to have the wedding there... Hes confident it'll all sort of smooth over, and that we just need to be "on it" when it comes to other things we ask for or need from them, but i explained on the day and the lead up to, we shouldn't be having to chase them and i dot want to be worried on the morning of that we are going to have loads missing or worrying if they'll be awkward. 

Him taking over it all has helped massively, but honestly i just think of that place and feel panicked and stressed now, which obviously isn't ideal. I'm going to leave it in his hands for now, but i genuinely think if we don't get a satisfactory response either by email or in person, i'm going to have no choice but to put my foot down and refuse to get married there, which is so gutting because its gorgeous, but i honestly feel like it'll be nothing but a nightmare. 

My fear is if we go over her head - and we still can't get our deposit back, then we are very stuck unless we accept we lose £2,000 which we really cant do when were paying for it ourselves, and she will be even more livid at us, and potentially make the day a nightmare. 

(also sorry for posting this basically everywhere - i think its the only way i can process it) 

Bridezilla

I keep seeing you apologizing to them, saying sorry for being awkward, not wanting to make a fuss in case they make it awkward/ruin it for you....I'm going to be blunt, but this is why they are walking all over you and not admitting anything - you're being too nice! Stop apologizing, start demanding - YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER!!!!

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

I keep seeing you apologizing to them, saying sorry for being awkward, not wanting to make a fuss in case they make it awkward/ruin it for you....I'm going to be blunt, but this is why they are walking all over you and not admitting anything - you're being too nice! Stop apologizing, start demanding - YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER!!!!

Ah i know i know, im just so scared if we do end up stuck with them then they'll just make the day a nightmare, i feel like they have all the power. 

I've posted to Reddit for legal advice on getting the deposit back, a few people mentioned it so its worth a shot. 

Bridezilla

MrsCToBee wrote (see post):

I keep seeing you apologizing to them, saying sorry for being awkward, not wanting to make a fuss in case they make it awkward/ruin it for you....I'm going to be blunt, but this is why they are walking all over you and not admitting anything - you're being too nice! Stop apologizing, start demanding - YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER!!!!

 

I was just about to say the same thing as MrsC. I’d let husband handle it if it’s giving you anxiety but I think it’s time for a step up from a softly softly approach. I’d ask to speak to whoever is most senior and have a face to face meeting that you record and/or follow up in writing. The lack of apology for what is a massive miscommunication and false information is apalling. I also think they should be very careful as I’m sure the reviews you could leave - now if you change or even after the wedding - have the potential to be quite damaging as there is no way I’d book them based on what you’ve said so far. I hope you can find a resolution soon! Try and focus on other stuff whilst H2B deals with this element. Easier said than done but no point working yourself up over it more than you need to, you’ll end up making yourself ill. Fingers crossed for you x

 

Bridezilla

Update

So M emailed back saying we feel like she has misunderstood the point of our emails, and we are just looking to find out why we were misinformed. He said we aren't looking to have the price honoured, we were just expecting an apology and reassurance it wont happen again. 

We haven't had a response yet and its been a few days, so we will give it a week, and then we have decided if we don't hear back ,or if it isn't a satisfactory response, we are going to go to the main companies directors (its owned by a company that run 4-5 venues) and explain everything, and ask what they are going to do to ensure we are treated properly going forward. 

We had a really in depth chat about it and i actually told M i didnt want to get married there at all, regardless of what they say and do now. I feel like we are the ones paying them huge amounts of money, we shouldnt have to ask for an apology, and we havent had even the faintest hint of decent customer service. I was a manager in retail for some time and its a basic rule, even if you havent messed up you do anything you can to make them happy, and if you have messed up you bend over backwards to make it better, NOT quote the (wrong) terms and conditions. 

I think we will end up going to the head honchos anyway, i think they need to know and honestly, yeah now i want something back for the hassle and stress, and i want them to make sure this woman now doesnt sabotage the day! I have visions of her being impossible to work with, when they should be working double time to make us feel listened to and appreciated. 

Sorry if all this sounds a bit stuck up, but its a huge amount of money for us and i feel like they've walked all over us and were being taken for mugs. 

I've started looking at alternative venues, and one i loved beforehand that was out of budget has some deals for off season 2019, although it would mean we have less time to save it might be worth it to not have the panic and stress in the lead up to and on the day. M is still highly unconvinced about this, even though i think Nov '19 would be cute as November is the month we got together! 

To be continued.... 

Bridezilla

It'll be a week on Sunday - and still zero response. Every day we don't get a reply i just get angrier. 

I started looking at other venues for cheap 2019 deals - this then turned into me realising if we moved our date to 2019 we could save about £500, and now im really hooked on this idea. 

I think its partly because im fully sick of all this and i dont want to spend the next 17 months stressing, and partly because i always wanted it to be sooner, but we didnt want to get into debt for it. 

If we did move it it would mean either a credit card or something, but it would still be paid off by the original date (if not sooner) so i feel like that isnt so bad? 

I dont even know. I feel like ive totally lost the plot and right now i want nothing to do with the wedding. I dont want to plan, i dont want to look at things, i dont even want to think about it, and dont talk to me about it. 

I cant be excited for something i have no idea about anymore. will it be our date still? Who knows. Same venue? Not a clue. 

i just want to actually enjoy this process and i feel like thats been taken away from me now. Every time i think back to it i will remember what a nightmare it started as. 

Bridezilla

Gosh they really are rubbish aren't they? And you are still being very nice, saying you don't want the price honoured - if I'd had it agreed verbally and in writing I bloody would!

I definitely think speaking to someone further up the chain has to your next step.

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html