Planning

what would you do?

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Wedding addict

I’m getting married in the next few weeks and one of my BM’s parents wants to attend the church ceremony. They dont Know me or my husband to be well and just want to take photos of their daughter. I think it’s quite ridiculous and have voiced that to my BM who has got quite defensive about it. All my other BM’s have been joking about how silly it is too to her.. what else can I do without affecting our friendship? I don’t really want her parent turning up and getting in the way of our photographer. Help?

Wedding addict

I wouldn't see a problem if there is plenty of room in the church. A lot of weddings I have been to have had people like this or neighbours/family friends come in to the service take a few snaps and leave. 

It is different if you are in a ceremony where there is ONLY space for 40/50 people and that is how many you are having.

 

Wedding addict

I’d tell her that they can have some copies of the professional photos of her all dressed up, or that someone else will take some and send them to them later. I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous! 

Bridezilla

Unless she's 5 it sounds a bit silly, but if there is room for them in the church it can't really do any harm. You can't actually stop anyone attending a Church wedding anyway - the old dears at my Grandad's church quite often sit at the back and watch weddings on a Saturday afternoon!

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

New bride

I personally would also think it's a bit odd, especially if they are an adult which I am presuming they are, given they are attending on their own, and surely they understand that she will be in lots of photographs on the day / she can send them one once she's ready if they want to?!

Could you maybe say that it's a private ceremony so you are only inviting those who you know inside the church?

New bride

Hey,

Tricky situation - if its an absolute no for you then I guess you have to stand your ground but just take into account this may upset her even if it is ultimately pretty trivial.

If its any help my friend got married and for the church service a few mums and people from the village etc came to see. They even ended up at the back of the church since there was space and it was lovely to have a few extras there. 

There was no getting in the way of the photographer it was very much when everyone was mingling outside the church waiting to throw confetti waiting for transport to the venue etc that a few photos were took of bridesmaids.
My mum came up and has some fabulous pictures of various people that the bride’s photographer couldn’t get as she was concentrating on formal shots. 

I guess it depends how much its going to bother you - I seriously doubt she realised it might upset you. Although I imagine it’s annoying thinking there might be someone there not to see you and your husband but to see your bridesmaid.

I hope you manage to come to an agreement -  just be honest with your bridesmaid 
You’ll have an amazing day either way :) x

Wedding addict

The issue is that We don’t mind her xoming to the church ceremony but it just seems silly that’s she’s coming to  take photos of her adult child as she’s a bM. 

Im also worried because we aren’t taking many photos at the church as our reception is beautiful and she may just invite herself along 

New bride

I don’t see why this is a problem at all. If I was a bridesmaid I’d like it if my mum and nan could come and see me in my dress. I invited all my bridesmaids parents to the evening (we weren’t having a church wedding and space at the ceremony was limited) for this exact reason.

I’d just say to your bm that you’re not going to be taking many pictures there so she’ll have to be super quick with her parents. I don’t think you’d need to worry about them coming to the reception.

New bride

I've honestly never heard of this happening before but reading other comments it seems quite common - family and neighbours!? I'd get it a bit more if they knew you. Maybe I am from an unfriendly area  but I would find it weird if any of my family or neighbours asked me if they could come to my friend who-they-don't-know's wedding and take photos of me. I'd also feel really uncomfortable with strangers at my wedding taking photographs, especially at the ceremony.

Are you having an 'unplugged' ceremony - as that would automatically rule out them taking photographs inside the church anyway?

Bridezilla

You can't stop them coming in the church, it's a public place of worship. 

I know our church won't allow any photos during the ceremony, if that's the case just ask the vicar to announce it to everyone. 

I think it's quite nice that they want to come and watch. I bet my parents would come if I was a bridesmaid at a local church! And yes, I'd probably get a bit defensive too if you criticized something my parents were doing when in all honesty you probably won't even notice them there. It's really not a big deal and you sound a little controlling to be honest. And she's clearly not going to invite herself to your reception is she.

Bridezilla

I would let them come. If you really dont want photos during the ceremony you could make it a blanket rule and get the vicar to announce at the start? I agree with the above, on the day I doubt you'll notice or care, plus you can't stop people from turning up at the church. I think to say no might cause more tension and bad feeling than it's worth when it's not really a big deal. 

My planning thread: 

http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/our-sussex-barn-wedding---july-2018wed/440703.html

Bridezilla

I think you are over thinking it. You can't exclude anyone from church do they are well entitled to come to the church service. They probably think it is a nice thing to do, not just for their daughter, but in some ways they are showing their support for you in your marriage even if they haven't met you. 

I would not be able to tell you who was in the church for my wedding, it feels like you and your husband are in a tiny love bubble. 

I don't really think it's very nice to say it's silly of them for wanting pictures of their daughter: they are obviously very proud of her. It's a compliment, your BM is happy about being a BM and her family wants to celebrate that. 

"I am learning to trust the journey, even when I do not understand it"

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Bridezilla

I wouldnt mind.

Obviously as its a church you cant stop anyone turning up, strangers are allowed in cermeonies due to it being a public place of worship.

Really dont think it's worth arguing with your friend over. Let them get their pics, it's sweet.

As for getting in the way of the photographer, whats the difference between them taking pics and your other guests takins pics, wouldn't your guests also get in the way? The tog will move anyone they dont want in shot


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Wedding addict

You say they don't know you well, but have they known you from when you were younger? When I was a bridesmaid for a friend a few years ago, my parents came to the church for the ceremony. They haven't seen my friend in years so they certainly don't know her well, but for them it was nice to see her get married and show their support, as they remember her from when we were young teenagers together. I think it's sweet.

New bride

I have a feeling that churches are open for all to attend and that doors should be left open and not closed during ceremonies? In that case there is no need to invite them formally, they can just turn up and take photos just as your official guests can, hopefully discreetly. Wonder if it would be worth mentioning it to your photographer or even the priest so they can have a polite word to all in attendance saying something along the lines please feel free to take photos outside the church butvwe have limited time for the ceremony and it would be appreciated that you dont get in the way of the main photograoher as i am sure you wouldnt want to spoil the bride and grooms wedding album etc....but in a more eloquent manner 😂 

Bridezilla

I don't really see the issue. A church is a public building and you can't stop anyone from attending I'm afraid. 

New bride

Two of my bridesmaids parents were invited to the evening reception as they have known both me and my husband a long time. They also asked if they could come to the church to watch us get married as it meant a lot to them. In my opinion it’s completely harmless and I really wouldn’t stress about it. Very minor in the grand scheme of wedding planning!

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