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Day Guest List drama !

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New bride

Hello all, some advice needed, we are getting married in September this year, our day guest list is done and invites ready to be sent.  but a family member wants their gf of 3 weeks!! to be invited to the wedding - note also they are 17 & 18!! the invite as it stands is a for the family of 4, if said new gf not invited he's not going to be happy ??? when asked by his mum if she could be invited as he would not be happy I just said we've done the guest list and numbers are restricted also we have a budget! We've never met her given its only been 3 weeks ! I'm actually annoyed at even being asked! Opinions ? Am I right to say sorry but she can't come? Luckily h2b agrees and said its a liberty and it's his side of the family.  Thank you 

Bridezilla

Yep definitely stand your ground! My 18 year old cousin asked if he could have a plus one, I said, in front of his mum and Dad, no way, unless you fancy paying the £90 an extra guest costs - that soon shut him up! But I had no qualms about saying no. To be honest him and his brother were lucky to get an invite, no other cousins are invited but because they are younger and still live with my auntie and uncle apparently they had to come according to my Mum!! 

New bride

When I was a guest at my cousin’s wedding, and an adult might I add, my other half who I lived with wasn’t invited to the day it was my family as a unit and we were in no way offended! Now it’s our turn to have the same dilemma and can totally see it from your point of view, this girlfriend might well not be a girlfriend by the time the event comes around never mind the cost involved in having extra guests! Honestly I think it’s so rude to ask and you are right to say no! 

Bridezilla

This happened to me.

about 3 weeks before the wedding my husband’s great aunt phoned his mum to say that her grandson (who was 18 at the time and invited as part of his family) was really upset that his girlfriend wasn’t invited. 

My MIL being a major people pleaser said she could come and phoned the venue and paid for the extra meal all before telling me.

i was furious! We had this random girl I’d never met at our wedding. I didn’t even know her full name so the table plan had to be redone and looked awful. 

On the day they decided it was a good idea to have a full on song fest outside the church during photos.

eventually (late in the evening) he brought her up to me to introduce her. I was a bit drunk so just went ‘uh huh’ and walked off.

they of course are no longer together. But when he gets married I’m going to insist on going and on taking the kids (even if they want a kid free wedding) and I plan to make sure they are badly behaved - petty? You bet! 

Dont let this girlfriend come. Stand your ground. 

had I been asked I would have said she could come to the evening do. You can offer that.

New bride

Aww thank you all so much! I feel better and stronger now and will say No! The fact that the mum asked just dumb founded us both! you just never ask and the way she put it was like this “he’s going to kick off and be annoyed if his gf can’t come”.   So what life isn’t about getting what you want! How dare she  say he’ll be annoyed like I’m supposed to say ok then just to please him! No way luckily my h2b fully supports and agrees with me so that is half the battle! When the invites go out I’ll let her know that it’s just the 4 of them as a family and sorry but she can’t come! If she doesn’t like it that’ll be 4 off the list over a 3 week gf!! Lol as if weddings aren’t stressful enough without the demands from some 18 year old!!! 

New bride

With a boyfriend who kicks off every five minutes, the gf of 3 weeks, could soon be history. Even more reason to stand your ground. I think you are very right. 

Bridezilla

There are definitely differences of opinion on plus ones, some of it even cultural. But I really can't think of anyone that would take this request seriously. If the boy (as he is) was even a little older or they had been together longer, some would say let him attend and keep the peace. But I don't see any reason at all that this young man can't attend a family function with his family and leave the little GF at home.

New bride

KittyFiennes wrote (see post):

There are definitely differences of opinion on plus ones, some of it even cultural. But I really can't think of anyone that would take this request seriously. If the boy (as he is) was even a little older or they had been together longer, some would say let him attend and keep the peace. But I don't see any reason at all that this young man can't attend a family function with his family and leave the little GF at home.

New bride

You are so right, I’ve decided I’m not backing down just not making a big deal out of it! When the invites are sent with the family of 4 names printed they’ll get the message I may or may not follow it up with a text and say thrre was no room and we had to put friends on the evening list so any bumping up would go to them first ! Even though I don’t owe an explanation, I feel I’ll be asked again ! In fact guaranteed I will be!! More principal now to stick to our decision - you just don’t ask! 

Bridezilla

I could maybe understand the cousin asking if she’s only 18, she will probably have no idea how a wedding works, and the fact you have to pay per head. But the fact her Mum doesn’t get it either baffles me! Stand your ground, don’t invite the partner xx

My planning thread: 

http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/our-sussex-barn-wedding---july-2018wed/440703.html

New bride

Update: well invites went out with the girlfriend excluded and boy has it kicked off!! I’ve been blocked on every social media site as have my children ! None of them are coming and I’m left with her daughters (age 14) bridesmaid dress that I cannot return - cost £300 !! She has called me every name under the sun imaginable in text and to my hubby to be  got very personal.  quite frankly she’s no loss!, just sad as both families socialised together.  I guess we’ll be saving as it’s four people off the list! I just hope now they break up so she looks more of an idiot.  

New bride

I'm sorry to hear there has been such a kick off for you, but totally agree with your decision and would have done the same in your position!

Shame that you have spent out on the bridesmaids dress, but hopefully 4 people not coming will offset this cost? 

Weddings definitely bring out the worst in some people eh!

Wedding addict

This is insane! 

I am all for the plus ones even if I don’t know them but 3 weeks?? why would you want to pay for this stranger who has known the family 3 weeks to come? It’s madness.

The reaction is ludicrous and you are better off without them. Shame about the £300 dress though. eBay! 

Bless you - what a bunch of nutters xx

Bridezilla

They sound entitled - and insane! Are they close relatives?

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Wedding addict

Oh no sorry to hear this! I can't believe his whole family have gone mad over it. Saying that my H2B 17 year old niece had a boyfriend when we were sending out save the dates and we didn't put his name on the invite. We got a few huffs and puffs but they're now not together (shock).

Stand your ground and hopefully you save some money from them not going  and no doubt they'll be split up by the time the wedding comes round and they will all be kicking themselves! xx

Bridezilla

Does the 14 year old still want to be a bm and her mother won't let her?